2011 Census

Today started the same as every other day for me – get up, clean up, hang out the washing, take the dogs out, shower, start work – but this morning was different.

As I was showering I heard a rather large thud. Dashing downstairs to see what it was I saw a lone, large, purple and white envelope dominating the floor of the hallway.

So, it was finally here; the 2011 Census Pack.

On opening it, the first thing that struck me, apart from the official government stamp, was the bar code with its accompanying sixteen digit number, broken up into four sets of four, just as you see on a credit card. On every other page another ten digit barcode stamps its authority.

Is that to be tattooed on the back of my neck or will it be imprinted on the chip they plan to implant in me?

The second was the threat of a £1,000 fine if I don’t complete this ‘compulsory’ form.

On inspection, the form contained 42 questions some of which were very intrusive and, in my opinion, not necessary.

The 43^rd question informs you there are no more questions. Duh!

They include the usual questions such as who lives at the address, their ages, whether you are working or not and what type of work you do.

Of course with the promotion and rise of the gay community, they are now included in the questionnaire, with questions asking if they are ‘registered as in a same-sex civil partnership’, or ‘separated but still legally living in same-sex civil partnership’. Eh?

I found ever more odd questions, such as ‘where were you living a year ago’, ‘were you actively looking for work in the past four weeks’ and ‘are your day-to-day activities limited because of a health problem or disability’.

This is not just a Census in the normal term of a Census, the form also reads like a dole office questionnaire.

I have to say it is a strange one.

And why is question 17 ‘intentionally left blank’? DUH!

Will I be filling in this form?

Of course not.

SUE ME!

Reports are that this will be the final Census. I wonder why?

That chip is drawing closer and closer; welcome to George Orwell’s ‘1984’

If, like me, you are not willing to fill in the form, you can have a bit of fun with the doorstep stasi with the following appointment request which I found on the internet a few weeks ago...

Appointment Request

If you have called to conduct business, note that no business, private matters or questionnaires will be dealt with without a prior appointment.

If this is really important to you, complete and return the following application:


1. What is your full name
_____________________________________________

2. Are you here representing yourself or a company
_____________________________________________

3. What is the name of the company you represent
_____________________________________________

4. What is your trading address or the address of the company you represent
_____________________________________________
_____________________________________________
_____________________________________________
_____________________________________________
_____________________________________________

5. What is the telephone number of the company you represent
_____________________________________________

6. What is your job title within the company
_____________________________________________

7. With whom are you seeking an appointment
_____________________________________________

8. Brief outline of matter to be discussed
_____________________________________________

Your signature: __________________________ Date: ________________

Print Name: ____________________________________


Note: If your application is successful you will be contacted by post no later than 3 weeks from date of receipt of application.

Don’t forget, the doorstep stasi have as much authority as those who try to rob us of money for a TV licence.

Absolutely NONE!